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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28717083">After You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuckinqueen/pseuds/fuckinqueen'>fuckinqueen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Death Note (Anime &amp; Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>After You (Feat. AJ Mitchell) - Meghan Trainor, Grief/Mourning, Guys I'm so sorry!!, Long-Haired Near | Nate River, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Post-Kira Investigation (Death Note), Regrets, Slight Flashbacks, Song Lyrics, Songfic, Suicide, believe me</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:47:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,167</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28717083</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuckinqueen/pseuds/fuckinqueen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Near's falling, always falling. It seems that he's always falling. Even when he's not. Even when he's standing on the hard ground.</p><p>Now he is falling, truly falling. But this falling is meaningful.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mello | Mihael Keehl/Near | Nate River (Past)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>After You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Near stands at the edge, hair swishing around him. Even the weight of it makes him feel like he'll topple over. He's even standing on the short, cement railing-type thing that are around tall buildings.

</p><p>He clutches something small in his hands; his handmade Mello finger puppet. He's always kept this finger puppet with him. He always holds it. Sometimes he has to redo the paint, but other than that, its never changed.

</p><p>He misses Mello. He misses that feisty blonde so much it hurts. It stings like lemons and salt in his wound. But it's bittersweet. That last secret meeting with his… he doesn't know what Mello was to him. But Mello's soft, perfect grin, his scars making him even more unique than before. His last kiss, given to Near before he went on his suicide mission to kidnap Takada. Kiyomi Takada.

</p><p>Mello didn't live for very long.

</p><p><br/>
<i>Is this all we get, one short life?<br/>
Tell me we got time<br/>
I saw a world without you there<br/>
Somehow you weren't mine<br/>
And no, please don't go, please don't<br/>
go and leave me alone<br/>
</i>
</p><p>Near asked Mello to not go that last time. What he didn't know was that that would be their last time meeting. He didn't know that what he was really pleading for was for Mello to keep his life. 

</p><p>
  <i>"Near, promise me you'll keep going with this case?" Near frowns slightly, hand still reaching out to a retreating Mello. "Promise me, Near!"

</i>
</p><p>
  <i></i>
</p><p>
  <i></i>
</p><p><i>"Why wouldn't I, Mello? Stay. Stay with me. Don't go."</i>

</p><p><i>"Sorry, boo, I gotta go. It's a mess out there. You gotta have someone there to fix it." </i>

</p><p>Mello had meant Near. That someone was Near. But Mello was paving the way. 

</p><p>When did Mello give up trying to be L? And why didn't he save his life and work with Near? Was Near so unbearable? If so, then why were they involved so deeply. All those stolen kisses, their hands being held together, neither one wanting to let go, that stupid nickname, "boo"?

</p><p>Near rolls his eyes at the thought of that nickname, smiling. There wasn't anyone like Mello.</p><p>
  <i><br/>
Don't wanna give my heart to someone<br/>
new<br/>
Won't be anybody after you<br/>
And even if one day our time is<br/>
through<br/>
Won't be anybody after you, after you<br/>
I'll never find another lover after you<br/>
</i>
</p><p>Near turns around and steps off of the side railing with a <i>thunk.</i> If he's doing this, then he's doing it how he wants.

</p><p>He walks a few paces away, sits on the ground and slowly takes the horrid shoes he has on at the moment off. The Mello finger puppet stands next to him, facing the open air. The way Near just came.

</p><p>Mello was supposed to stay. To be mean to Near forever, as long as they both shall live. It was supposed to be their vows. Not marriage vows, because to Near, that isn't bonding enough. It's only for the government to know. But something unspoken. It was supposed to be their unspoken promise. Mello could be mean as much as he wanted, as long as he'd be sweet, and hold and kiss and touch Near whenever Near wanted. A compromise. A goddamn, stupid vow.

</p><p>Near picks up the Mello figure, stands back up and walks back to the edge, this time hesitating at the edge. Should he be doing this?

</p><p>No, Lidner, Rester, and Gevanni need him. The world needs him, as L.

</p><p>Yes, Mello's waiting. Mello never haunted him. So he has to go find him. 

</p><p>
<i><br/>
If you have to go, be my ghost<br/>
Hope you haunt my dreams<br/>
So I won't be alone 'cause I'd give<br/>
up hope<br/>
If you weren't there for me<br/>
And no, please don't go, please<br/>
don't go<br/>
And leave me alone<br/>
</i>
</p><p>Near takes a deep breath, clutches Mello close to his heart again, imagines that burnt, limp body, and then Mello, alive, and steps up on the side railing of cement again like it's a pedestal, the cold coming through his socks. He turns, so he won't see how quickly or slowly the world is coming to the end around him, and then he gracefully leans backwards, and immediately, his hair rushes up around him, the speed of the wind hitting his back.

</p><p>He's noticed something, ever since Mello left. And it is this:

</p><p>Near's falling, always falling. It seems that he's always falling. Even when he's not. Even when he's standing on the hard ground.

</p><p>Now he is falling, truly falling. But this falling is meaningful.

</p><p>He might be called selfish, that he's doing this for himself, so he doesn't have to be in pain anymore. And what about the world, counting on him, and what about the select people he knows counting on him. Well… they can call him whatever. Even L says that some selfish acts are necessary. And now Near <i>is</i> L. Not the true L… but no one outside the select people he knows know that.</p><p>
<i><br/>
Don't wanna give my heart to someone<br/>
new<br/>
Won't be anybody after you<br/>
And even if one day our time is<br/>
through<br/>
Won't be anybody after you, after you<br/>
I'll never find another lover after you<br/>
</i>
</p><p><i>"Second again…"</i>




</p><p>
  <i>"What is it, Roger?"

</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"…L is dead."

</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Dead…?</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Yeah, sounds good." Conceal your hurt, conceal your hurt. Conceal it better than Mello.

</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Mello left."

</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Near! I'm not just a tool for you to use to solve your puzzle, you know!" No, and never will you be, Mello. You're too special. You're the key to the lock.

</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Mello, if you wanna shoot me, then go ahead and do it."

</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Near."

</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Mello?"

</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"…I'll be waiting for you."

</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"I'll be waiting for you"?

</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I'll be waiting for you.</i>
</p><p>
<i><br/>
I won't be able to move on, baby<br/>
I won't be able to love nobody else<br/>
So if you go won't you take me with<br/>
you<br/>
Don't leave me alone<br/>
Don't wanna give my heart to someone<br/>
new<br/>
There won't be anybody after you<br/>
And even if one day our time is<br/>
through (Woah, oh)<br/>
Won't be anybody after you, after you,<br/>
after you<br/>
Oh, after you<br/>
I'll never find another lover after you<br/>
</i>
</p><p>Now Near feels like he's being cuddled. He's being held, and softly being delivered to the ground. There won't be a sickening splat when he hits the earth, only clouds and maybe, just maybe a soft thump. It's too late to go back. And he doesn't mind.

</p><p><i>"Sorry, boo, I gotta go. It's a mess out there. You gotta have someone out there to fix it."</i>

</p><p><i>Sorry, my fallen angel,</i> Near thinks happily, <i>not now. Not anymore. Not me. Someone, I'm sure. But Kira tried to fix it… in the wrong way, yes. But does it need fixing? Only the too-huge things. Not one person can do that.

</i></p><p><i>My fallen angel. Not anymore. No more pressure.</i>

</p><p>His life, for less than a second (who knew anything could go that fast in his mind?) and then…</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for this pathetic excuse for a work, guys!! XD Even though I know it kinda sucks, please forgive me. I wrote it late last night, saw it was finished and lying in my drafts, and decided "fuck it, I'll post it."</p><p>Anyway, I hope you liked it… or something…?</p></blockquote></div></div>
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